Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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