the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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