East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
