well you can't waste a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
