I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
