goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
