They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
