Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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