I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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