He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
