and you said cock pushups were impossible
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
