Kiss
Puke
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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