Swine flu. Run for my life!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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