Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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