Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
