Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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