A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
