Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
