you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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