I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
