Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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