Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
