He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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