what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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