All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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