The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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