the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
