Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
