I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
