just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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