they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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