I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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