Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
