We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
