Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
