I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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