Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
