be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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