We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So here I am, sexting at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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