I'd wear matching sweaters with you
one two three fourrrrnication!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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