Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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