Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
