So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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