Pants 0. Shit 1.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
