The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
