Me. At least after what I've been through.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
