I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You are the jesus of drinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
