I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
