We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
