It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
