smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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