The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
