so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
