I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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