we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
