like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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