i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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