Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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