don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
