I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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