then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
