I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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