I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
