I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Someone came in the potted fern
Randomize
