Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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