i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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