Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
