I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
