physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
