that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
