a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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