??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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