I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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