I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
