You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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