Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
