So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Success! We fucked roommates!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
